there was a trapeze. enough said
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
