I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize