the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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