i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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