My first STD was from a foam party
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
