Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
