She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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