please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
