I puked a lego.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
