Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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