some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
