Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
