I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
