I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
