she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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