I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
