its not stalking. its research.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
