Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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