we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
