I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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