I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
