I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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