worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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