I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
