One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
