I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
