Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
