Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
