You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
