You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
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We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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