We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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