don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize