He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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