And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
