Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
