i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
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Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just want to make out with him forever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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