So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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