Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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