Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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