I'm going to jail i love you
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
