the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need help removing her.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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