My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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