how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Do vagina's smell?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
