I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
