Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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