well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
