My first STD was from a foam party
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize