OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
