using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize