I got chris browned last night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
