I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
