I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
