I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
