I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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