anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
