"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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