i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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